Guilt trips are often used to gain control over a person or situation.
Guilt trips are a form of manipulation in which someone attempts to make you feel guilty in order to achieve an agenda. The agenda may be to make you feel bad, to transfer blame, or to make you do something you did not want to do, such as spend a holiday with family, go to a meeting or do chores around the house. You cannot force someone to change his manipulative behavior. However, you can do something to prevent guilt trips from causing emotional stress. Handling guilt trips well also reduces their effectiveness, which may reduce others' attempts to submit you to guilt trips.
Instructions
1. Reflect back the statements used by the guilt-tripper. If a mother tells her daughter that she doesn't love her as much as her siblings who visit regularly, the daughter could say to her: "Do you mean that I'm not a good daughter if I don't come to see you every day?" This directly challenges the accuracy of the guilt trip accusations and allows the guilt-tripper to hear how her words sound to others. If the person persists in her guilt trip, avoid argument. You have made your point and will not win an argument with someone who has an agenda.
2. State your opinion and recognize the other person's opinion. For example, if a friend feels that you do not spend as much time with him as you should, you could say: "I understand you feel that I should spend as much time with you as I spend with my girlfriend. I respect our friendship and want to remain friends, but I also love my girlfriend and want to spend time with her." You each have a right to your opinions.
3. Respond assertively to guilt trips that attempt to manipulate you into performing an action. If your parents ask you to spend Christmas Day with them, telling you that everyone else will be there, say to them: "Christmas Day is not going to work out for us, but we can come Christmas Eve." Planning ahead when you expect a guilt trip can help you have assertive responses ready and avoid feelings of guilt.
4. Tell yourself that it is OK if people are upset with you sometimes. Say to yourself: "I cannot make everyone happy, so I will do what I think is best for the situation." Accept that your parents may feel disappointed, your friends may feel angry or your significant other may feel hurt when you do not give in to their manipulation.
